Thursday, September 23, 2010

New FOOT FETISH clips up on Clubtoni, or you can get them at the clips store: http://tinyurl.com/25s8es9 and http://tinyurl.com/26op8vu

Monday, September 20, 2010

Nursing and Medical humor joke

Lately I've missed working as a nurse, so I've thought of maybe doing some more work that has to do with nursing. Even if it's just some sensual medical fetish scenes for content where I play the naughty but caring nurse that would give me something like the experience. Now let's take your blood pressure...hrm, that's interesting, it seems to be rising. Maybe I shouldn't have unzipped my uniform before coming in here? Sorry I thought it was so hot in here...

Anyway, with this in mind there are the horrific sides of medicine. But people like Dave Barry can make them funny. Someone sent me this piece that Dave Barry wrote about getting a colonoscopy. I know a lot of people that have had to get this done so they find a funny sort of comfort in knowing it's the same weird scene for everyont that has to go through it.
Dave Barry lives in FL like I do and writes for the Miami Herald. You can also see his website here. It's a lot of laughs on all kinds of different topics and he has a lot of really funny books with his outlook on life. Anyway I hope you enjoy this one. The quotes from patients at the end is especially funny!



Colonoscopy Journal: I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'


I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.


I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.


Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.


The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'


This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.


MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.


After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.


The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.


At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked...


Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand.. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.
At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.


When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.


There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.


'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.


'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.


I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.


On the subject of Colonoscopies...
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:


1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'


2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'


3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'


4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'


5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'


6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'


7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'


8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'


9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'


10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'


11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'


12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'


And the best one of all:
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Got the dust settled finally, my daughter is off at college and settled in, and I'm used to it being just me. So I thought I'd have some fun this weekend and go bar hopping to celebrate. Haven't been able to do that since I moved to S. Florida. The bars here in the area are incredible!
Also got my hair and nails done, back to being brown hair with some blond hi-lights in it since that seems to be what people like best. Got a new pilates machine, maybe ti will make me taller! been so full of energy I'm goign to apply to some amatuer contests and see how I do now.
They now have workouts for pole dancing for women in the homes that want to look toned, take it from me that is one of the BEST ways to get in shape fast! and it's fun and feels sexy too.

It's just a week for dancing. Saw that Dancing With the Stars is starting up this week too.

This coming week, back to doing webcam shows again! I'll be on the lookout for some hot girls (and guys!) that might want to try that out with me. People are so much fun here in Florida, more laid back and ready to party, so shouldn't be too hard. So that will eb my treat to you guys that have waited so patiently this summer for me to get back on the webcam. meantime, i hope you liked the photos and vids we got up on Clubtoni, and there's more new content to come!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Some more fetish photo sets up on Clubtoni and some new videos as well!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

2 new vids up on Clubtoni. You can also download here: http://www.clips.com/viewclip.php?cid=196373&a=220264